Dating Your Children

Dating your children is a simple yet important parenting task. In simple terms it means spend

time with your children individually from their other parent and siblings. This could be done as

a weekly event, a monthly event or for special occasions such as graduations or significant

birthdays.

Taking the time for one on one with your child builds memories and traditions that they will

most likely pass to their children. It allows for you as a parent to really get to know your child at

a deeper more meaningful level. It also allows your child to get to know you and understand

you differently from being the authoritative figure in their life.

This may feel intimidating but you can break it down and start small. Pick a restaurant with your

child and make that the special place you go to monthly. Build from that an additional activity

that you only participate with them. Examples such as hiking, theater, shows, art class or

sporting events. Start hiking on local trails then as they get older going on trips to trails further

and more rigorous.

It is acceptable to change the activity over the years as they grow but I recommend you stick

with any one activity for a period of time so it sets in. If your child enjoyed going to shows when

they were younger but then shows less interest in later years explore other options. Remember

it is the act of spending quality time not quantity or the actual activity.

One of my most meaningful maternal memories was asking my son who was a freshman away

at college and turning 19. What did he want for his birthday? He hesitated at first and an hour

later responded: “If the Flyers are still in the playoff when I am done finals you and me”. You

see throughout middle school and high school he and I would attend as many games as I could

get tickets for. It was his love of hockey that created my love of hockey and was our date night.

We continued this tradition until he moved away and now have new tradition of my visiting him

every year on his birthday weekend.

I can report it is a thrill and joy to know he wants to spend time with me both then and with a

trip somewhere exciting we both have never been on a given special birthday. Proving putting

the time in one on one when they are younger leads to all good things when they are adults as

well.