How To Provide Comfort For Children In Two Homes
When shifting to a two-home family system it is important to consider the child/children’s perspective in this process. Children will be affected by this change as they typically believe the world as they know it will remain the same. Things to strongly consider in the process to assist the children in such a transition are:
Private Space
If you can offer each child their own room in each home or shared by a sibling. Give them the ability to help choose wall colors, blankets and any other such decoration options. If there is no private designated room, choose an area of the home and set up a designated space that will belong to the child. An example could be a corner of a living room. Adding a bed and bookshelf for their things and screen for privacy. Making your child feel they are a priority and thought of when this home is set up will provide the security they are looking for during this difficult transition.
Children’s Belongings
If at all possible children should go back forth to each of their home with nothing more than their school bag. They should have enough clothing, sporting equipment, toiletries, medication , etc. that they do not need to be concerned with packing and unpacking. The only exception to this rule is a item of great financial value such as musical instrument that having two is cost prohibitive. Further, anything small and easy to transport in the school bag a child wants to bring should be allowed. It is never a comforting thought to a child to hear that you bought the item so they can’t bring it to the other parent. If an item was bought for your child, it is their item or property.
Rules of the Two Homes
Having very similar rules in both homes will assist the children in feeling secure, comfortable and well cared for. Consider the basic needs of your child/children when creating these rules and post in both homes, such as bedtime, use of electronics, when/what to eat, and hygiene practice. Try to remember your children did not ask for two homes, so it is best to create two very comfortable loving but similar environments for them to thrive in.
Making Schedule Visual in Both Homes
Posting your child/children’s custody, sports, doctors, play dates, vacations, etc. in a chart or calendar will allow for them to feel they are a priority in both homes, secure and their needs are being met by both parents. It is recommended you even allow your child/children to decorate this as they want to add color and excitement to what is their life. Posting this is in a centrally located space easy to view is the final step in allowing your child/children the ability to feel organized and on top of their living environment.
Shana Schwartz MSS LCSW
